Displaying Emuna in The World of Shidduchim
Shalom to you all,
It’s been a very hard few months for Klal Yisrael and I hope you're doing well through these challenging times.
It really got me noticing how strengthening our emuna and our relationship with Hashem is so vital. As a shadchan, emuna is the backbone theme of our work. The constant display of siyata di’shemaya (Divine assistance) is undoubtedly one of the most amazing experiences shadchanim witness on a regular basis.
I am planning to relate many of these stories in an upcoming book. For now, here’s one example I'd like to share:
Yaakov is a fantastic boy, deep thinking and kind. Throughout his dating process he sought guidance and tried to better himself. As a Sefardi boy, he had a preference to only date girls who wore scarves or hats rather than a wig, as is the custom in some Sefardi communities.
I found this to be an impressive and worthy preference, but I had to break it to him that it would greatly limit his options as English-speaking Sefardi girls generally prefer to cover their hair with wigs.
He spoke to his Rosh Yeshiva who agreed with me.
Yaakov decided that if the girl shared his values, he would not make wig-wearing into a deal breaker. I felt that this was a sensible decision and he dated some wonderful girls, yet for different reasons, they were not meant to be his wife.
I kept thinking and davening for him...
Then I met Efrat. She is a top quality girl - sweet and refined with impeccable middos. I liked her from the first moment we met! She was Sefardi and wanted to marry someone dedicated to Torah learning, which was very exciting.
Maybe she was a shidduch for Yaakov?
When she said at the end of the meeting that she preferred to cover her hair with a head covering rather than a wig, my brain pinged!
This was a shidduch!
Nevertheless, it took me months to convince Yaakov. Why? Because Efrat is a full two years older than him and this was something he thought simply couldn't work. Eventually though, he agreed that it was worth a try and he fell for Efrat’s special qualities straight away.
They are getting married in a few weeks!
He gave up on the idea of a girl being younger than him and instead, he merited the special girl who complimented his deep customs and values.
We all love a happy ending, so what's the message here?
Sometimes, as in the case of Yaakov and Efrat, the display of emuna that we show by being mevater (letting go) shows Hashem that we are trusting in Him. It may be that Hashem wants us to date (for example) people shorter in height then we expect, or from a family background that is unfamiliar. Seeking advice from wiser and more experienced people can help us figure out the right direction of hishtadlus (type of effort) for each individual case.
Hashem may send us our original preference, or He may not, but He knows what we need. Many people tell me, “I got everything I davened for.” While others tell me, “It’s not what I thought I needed, but it’s absolutely what I really needed!”
May we be guided with a tremendous amount of siyata di’shemaya, and let Him decide what is really what we need.